My Flower

I'm 27 years old and I'm not ashamed to say I lost my flower back in mid-July. Someone stole my flower. (actually I'm not entirely sure if that's true, but it's fun to say!).

Backtrack... I love my jean jacket. And I LOVE my flower on my jean jacket. I probably should be embarrassed by how much I love it, but luckily, I have a high embarrassment threshold. It's part of my signature look. I feel the most jen pham in it. It's me.

And now, it's nothing but a phantom limb.

I was de-flowered (but not de-valued!)at another 90s night. It fell off of me while I was dancing. And I didn't notice until we stepped outside the bar to go home. I was heartbroken in my drunken state. The bouncer wouldn't let me back in because I was such a mess (emotionally, mentally and physically). So my friend Mario went back in to look for my beloved flower (sidenote: Is that a friend or what?!). He came out empty-handed. My heart dropped.

The next morning, we woke up and the pain of loss was still stinging. So I called the bar and was advised to email Lost and Found.

Hi there!Last night, I lost my flower at your bar. It's not how it sounds! I have a light greenish/yellowish flower with small black polka dots that I pin to my jean jacket and it must have fallen off because I was having too good a time at 90s night! (Is there such a thing though?) Would you guys be able to look for it and let me know if you do or don't find it? I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!
Jen Pham
Sent from my pretend iPhone!  

The most grueling two days later...(I swear it was worse than waiting for a boy to text you!)

Hi Jennifer,
I just looked through our Lost and Found and unfortunately we don't have your flower.
Best,
Jessie 

I began the mourning process. Because it was summer, I didn't really need a jean jacket during the day. But the nights were the hardest. I posted a picture of my last night on Instagram and Facebook with my flower. Letting the world know of its fate.

But a couple of good things transpired from my loss. I re-learned the true meaning of friendship. First, when Mario went back to look for my flower. (you guys, picture a drunken grown ass Mexican, scouring a dance hall full of nostalgic millennials for my flower... I can only hope to one day be able to repay the favor!). Then again, a few weeks later, I traveled down to Charleston, SC to help my best friend get married. And on her wedding day, her mom, cousin, and her surprised me with a new flower!!! A new flower that they handmade! Some pieces were even from Taylor's wedding dress! Yes, they cut up her dress to make me a new flower! If that ain't friendship, I don't know what is! Juuuust kidding! They used scraps leftover from alterations. It was lovely and I felt so ridiculous and ridiculously loved!

Before I debut my new flower, here is a blog nod to my old flower.

Thank you flower for allowing me to walk through the years we had together with grace, style, confidence and lots of compliments! R freaking I P. You will be missed and never forgotten.

Oh and yes, I'm gonna try and start blogging again. You are totes welcome.

A Spectacular Moment

Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions?

I feel like that today. Nothing special is happening. Nothing out of the ordinary differentiates this day from the previous. Like I am waiting for a spectacular moment. And then it makes me a little sad- that life can be a little boring.

And then a coworker/friend told me that if every moment of my life were a spectacular moment, I wouldn't be able to handle it. And if every moment of my life were a spectacular moment, then I would want a spectacular spectacular moment and wish for one of those for every moment of my life. (Ah, such a vicious cycle life can be sometimes).

And then I take a deep breath, and happily wait for my next spectacular moment.

Long Live the Internet!

As I trudge through this journey of finding my first job (it's surprisingly hard to find one that matches both my interests AND skills, ... or maybe I'm just really picky), a string of thoughts go through my mind.  I think about how long I will remain in this state of frictional unemployment.  I wonder what city I will end up in.  I think about what particular path I should carve out for myself to reach my ultimate dreams/goals.  Then I rationalize that the best thing to do is to take it one step at a time and that right now, I should focus on finding my first job.  

Most of the jobs I've applied for were found on the Internet, but other than that, have I exhausted all of my resources?  I think about how big business moguls started out.  How did they find their first job?  They didn't have the Internet.  So I wonder, what did they use and how did they do it?  Newspapers is the immediate answer that comes to mind.

The point is, I just realized another part of my life that is dependent upon the Internet and you know what, it's not so bad!