25 October 2013

My Open Love Letter to Nick Miller

Did you watch this week's New Girl? I am obsessed with the show, so obviously I did. And boy, am I glad I tuned in! Nick Miller disclosed an old email account of his! He doesn't use it that often though. Its activity is based on the highs and lows of his roomie Schmidt. Jess brought the account back to life to salvage her Halloween party from an awkward meeting between Schmidt and his ex/Jess's BFF Cece. The email account is keatonpotatoes@aol.com (AOL? Sooo vintage!).

This is my big chance ya'll. I have an open line of communication to Nick, and I totes seized the moment. Pasted below is the email chain!
Hi hi Nick Miller!
I know this is kinda stalker-ish, but I got your email while watching New Girl. I just wanted to let you know that I think you're really attractive and like many adorkable fans across the country, I have a major crush on you! And just when I thought I couldn't crush on you more, you reveal your very foodie email. Which means, we have soooo much in common because I am a great cook! We are totes soul mates.
You're obviously a big fan of potatoes, so here are some of my favorite potato recipes if you're hungry! I usually wait until the 5th date to make a guy dinner, but I'll let you skip the formalities because I know it ain't your thang. How do these delicious dishes sound??
A classic buttery potato gratin!
An Italian-style Chef salad with the most delicious potato salad you ever did taste!
I can't remember if you're Jewish or not, but these crispy and chewy latkes are perfect! I love them, and I'm Asian!
And the ultimate comfort food... roasted garlic mashed potatoes... with real roasted garlic!
So if you ever need a side dish to your Jess, you have my email and my twitter account below for a good meal! Or if you ever want to play a game of hot potato! ;)
"Whoooo's that girl?...
It's JEN!"
-- Jennifer Pham
He responded immediately! Like within 0 minutes! Guys respond immediately when they're interested. But if he responded so fast, was he able to click on all my hyperlinks?!
How many times have you seen "Multiplicity?"
-- Keaton
I responded back:
ZERO! (teehee, satire!)
But also, I know you're not really Michael Keaton. You don't have to play games with me Nick Miller!
No response. I haven't heard back from him. And just like that, we lost our momentum and possibly the greatest love affair of our lives. Until next Tuesday...

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