Happy belated birthday to my spirit person!!

You know how some people have a spirit animal? (Mine is the seal btw).
I also have a spirit person. Her name is Honey Boo Boo and she is the most sparkly person I ever did see.

Uninhibited. Open-minded. Sassy. Happy. Loves everybody. These are my favorite things about her and I feel so in tune with her.

Happy happy birthday Honey Boo Boo child! 8 is great!

Oh and here are some Halloween pictures of me as my spirit person. I want to be buried in my Honey Boo Boo costume.

My Flower

I'm 27 years old and I'm not ashamed to say I lost my flower back in mid-July. Someone stole my flower. (actually I'm not entirely sure if that's true, but it's fun to say!).

Backtrack... I love my jean jacket. And I LOVE my flower on my jean jacket. I probably should be embarrassed by how much I love it, but luckily, I have a high embarrassment threshold. It's part of my signature look. I feel the most jen pham in it. It's me.

And now, it's nothing but a phantom limb.

I was de-flowered (but not de-valued!)at another 90s night. It fell off of me while I was dancing. And I didn't notice until we stepped outside the bar to go home. I was heartbroken in my drunken state. The bouncer wouldn't let me back in because I was such a mess (emotionally, mentally and physically). So my friend Mario went back in to look for my beloved flower (sidenote: Is that a friend or what?!). He came out empty-handed. My heart dropped.

The next morning, we woke up and the pain of loss was still stinging. So I called the bar and was advised to email Lost and Found.

Hi there!Last night, I lost my flower at your bar. It's not how it sounds! I have a light greenish/yellowish flower with small black polka dots that I pin to my jean jacket and it must have fallen off because I was having too good a time at 90s night! (Is there such a thing though?) Would you guys be able to look for it and let me know if you do or don't find it? I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!
Jen Pham
Sent from my pretend iPhone!  

The most grueling two days later...(I swear it was worse than waiting for a boy to text you!)

Hi Jennifer,
I just looked through our Lost and Found and unfortunately we don't have your flower.
Best,
Jessie 

I began the mourning process. Because it was summer, I didn't really need a jean jacket during the day. But the nights were the hardest. I posted a picture of my last night on Instagram and Facebook with my flower. Letting the world know of its fate.

But a couple of good things transpired from my loss. I re-learned the true meaning of friendship. First, when Mario went back to look for my flower. (you guys, picture a drunken grown ass Mexican, scouring a dance hall full of nostalgic millennials for my flower... I can only hope to one day be able to repay the favor!). Then again, a few weeks later, I traveled down to Charleston, SC to help my best friend get married. And on her wedding day, her mom, cousin, and her surprised me with a new flower!!! A new flower that they handmade! Some pieces were even from Taylor's wedding dress! Yes, they cut up her dress to make me a new flower! If that ain't friendship, I don't know what is! Juuuust kidding! They used scraps leftover from alterations. It was lovely and I felt so ridiculous and ridiculously loved!

Before I debut my new flower, here is a blog nod to my old flower.

Thank you flower for allowing me to walk through the years we had together with grace, style, confidence and lots of compliments! R freaking I P. You will be missed and never forgotten.

Oh and yes, I'm gonna try and start blogging again. You are totes welcome.

90's Night

I am an 80's don't remember anything but appreciate it now baby, and a 90s loving child! So when my friends and I discovered 90s night at The Bell House, it was a must go-to. We went Friday night and seriously had the time of our lives! But how could we not?! Good beer, good company, good AWESOME MUSIC! And I am always my happiest in my BSB shirt.

Mario dressed as a 90s school boy a la Cory Matthews. Jenna and I sported our favorite 90s band's (ok favorite band EVER) Backstreet Boys t-shirts. I took the denim route since I live in my jean jacket during the fall season and paired it with my patchy jean skirt! I also found a pair of neon beebop kicks (that I purchased in 2010) that matched wonderfully with my sparkly tights. Jenna and Julie went more 90's grunge. Jenna even had a choker!!! We might have been the only ones that dressed for the occasion... but that also means that we were the only ones that the photographer kept wanting to photograph!!!

You know what's weird? I don't remember any of the songs that they played!!!! I just remember having A LOT OF FUN! The next morning I said to Jenna every 5 minutes "omg, did they play 'Be My Lover' by La Bouche?!" or "omg, did they play 'Baby One More Time' by Britney?!" Apparently, they did and I sang (ok, I screamed) and danced and loved it. And this was the first legit excuse I've found to wear my BSB shirt out. I've never been happier!

We ended up closing the bar... like they told us we couldn't have any limes with our water because they had already put the tray with the limes, olives and cherries away. They also stopped playing music, but that's probably because I spilled a drink on the DJ's table... but in my defense, the drink was not mine. I just accidently knocked it over the ledge. Mario also fell asleep on the subway and ended up in Chinatown. If that's not a great night, I don't know what is.

chocolate birthday cake

Saturday was my other roommate Darien's birthday. he requested a chocolate on chocolate cake (his new 'flava' if ya know what I mean ;)
I immediately looked up some chocolate cake recipes that I've saved for a special occasion and found one! It was a double chocolate cake. But work started up this week and i was exhausted by Friday.
So I bit the bullet and bought a cake mix. (gasp.) I know. It took me a good 20 minutes to make peace with it.

But boy, was I glad I did! I bought the Trader Joe's chocolate cake mix and it was amaze-balls. It almost tasted like dark chocolate cake. The cake was very moist but still had a cake-y crumb with a deep, dark chocolate-y flavor. It was super easy (I mean, most box mixes are) and it didn't taste like a box mix. I highly recommend it!

Also, I used Betty Crocker's Chocolate frosting. It was delicious. I know, I'm such a sell-out. But at least I'm human!!! The cake was Darien-approved and at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.

(twenty-six & too many tricks.)

*Things I did right and wrong...
I followed the instructions on the box and used sunflower oil. I decorated with a simple buttercream (butter, powdered sugar, splash of soy milk), but my patience got the best of me and the cold butter did not enjoy the company of my food coloring. A friend commented that it looked like I decorated the cake with strips of ground meat. THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO USE ROOM TEMPERATURE BUTTER. Learn from my mistakes people. Eat, enjoy and wash down with a mimosa or two... especially when entering your late 20s.

ps- two back-to-back cake posts... what does that say about me?! At least it's not a cake a day...

carrot cake

i hate carrot cake.
maybe it's because I used to hate carrots. but now I love them (esp with peanut butter!!!!!)
but alas, my sister loves it. and it was her birthday (well last month it was!). and the birthday girl should always gets what she wants (even though she bought me a carrot cake on my birthday... i guess we weren't all meant to bake, but that's a different story).
So on July 30th, I made her a carrot cake from scratch. Like "hand-grated 3 cups worth of carrots"-scratch. And my arm was sore for a straight week! But ya'll, that's the secret. If you don't grate the carrots by hand, you don't get the finely grated carrot that melts into the batter with the nuts and the (golden) raisins, instead, you get those coarse cuts of carrots that stay stiff in the batter and do the opposite of melting in your mouth. and the last thing that I want to taste in my cake is a piece of raw carrot. Which is why this carrot cake worked for my taste buds. Maple cream cheese frosting didn't hurt either!

Recipe loosely based on this smitten kitchen recipe. And when I say loosely, I mean I made a rectangle cake and not cupcakes. :)

I forget if my pan took longer or shorter to cook but I used the trusty toothpick test and checked the cake incessantly after the 15-minute mark!

the color run.

Last Saturday, I got my butt up at 6am to participate in the color run.

and it was so fun!!!

not the waking up when the sun rises part (seriously, who does that?!)

but having color thrown at you while you're jogging was pretty excellent.

it was a 5K (that's 3.1-something miles for us Americans), which I totes trained for because I did NOT want to finish last!!! Also, running on a treadmill and running outside is not the same. I was sore for 2 days after the run!

the run was also my first race. will it be my last? it's hard to say. I don't really see the point of running for a long period of time with no color being chucked at you... but never say never!

By the way, we looked like bandits because we were trying to prevent the color powder from entering our respiratory systems! And because we're super cool.

I'm singing along to "Call Me Maybe" in this pic. It also looks like I'm skipping. which I was.

At the finish line was a color rave where we all emptied our color packets on each other while dancing to whatever Top 40 hit the DJ put on. It was awesome, and it wasn't even noon yet! Can you tell I love my sleep? Because I do. A lot.

BTW, I didn't finish last!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!

Bistro Petit

Have you eaten at Bistro Petit? It's really cute right? Blue and white stripes, cute French-y font with the promise of something buttery to eat, purple paint lining the red door.

Apparently cute comes with a cost. There's no tap water. No bathrooms. No wait service. No tables.

I read the H20 part on yelp so of course I decided to hydrate myself before we left my apartment because we were biking there.

And because I hydrated myself, I had to pee. And wash my hands after locking my bike up.
So when we walked in, we were stared at blankly. No 'hello', but a 'yes? what do you want?' look on the cashier (? i have no idea what his purpose was... I also couldn't decide if he was rude or just didn't know how to talk to a person). I asked for the bathroom and he said they didn't have one (uh, WHAAT?!) but to go to the bodega next door. So I go and wash my hands only because it wasn't a "pee at the bodega" emergency. While I was next door, my friend did some serious investigating and discovered that there is no wait service and there aren't tables. Just counters that you sit at on stools. Which was fine (and cute!). Except that upon observation, we learned that it wasn't a "first come, first serve", rather it was a "oh good, you're getting up just as we're walking in so we'll take your seats thank you!" type of seating arrangement. We discovered that while we were waiting outside for someone to finish their fabulous French brunch because the cute Bistro is too damn petit that they can't even fit waiters or tables or bathrooms or tap water in the place!

So we left and went to another cute brunch place with a normal dining experience. It wasn't French, but they had a bike hanging in the air out front! I'll write a review of that place later. But I will tell you they had bathrooms! And tap water! And the nicest waitstaff! And delicious food! It was great.

The menu at Bistro Petit looked really good, so I'm going to save her for the next Full Moon (is that the secret? go on a weird day?) and write an article titled "How to successfully eat at Bistro Petit" that will explain the dining method at BP. It will obviously be published in the NYTimes. A girl can dream.

Phill-ay is cray

Two weekends ago, I went on a girls' trip to Philly. It involved lots of eating, singing (mostly 90s tunes) and boozing. All of my favorite things.

It also involved a lot of craziness! I don't know if it is me that is attracting the crazy, but I felt like it surrounded us the entire weekend!

On the first day there, we were waiting for the valet to get our car from the garage. I see an abandoned flip-flop in the middle of the street. So the normal thing to do is snap a couple of pictures to instagram... right?!

(the problematic flip-flop)

Wrong. Moments later, a tree stump in the form of a lady (she was short and fat) appeared out of nowhere and stood over the flip-flop. She proceeded to shout at me. Conversation went as follows:

TS: why did you take a picture of this flip-flop? *for a moment, I thought the flip-flop might be hers, it was not.
JP: um, because I thought it was cool and interesting.
TS: you wanna know what's cool?! Going to the club, spending money and drinking. THAT'S cool. Now tell me why you REALLY took a picture of the flip-flop!
JP: Honestly, I did not really think about it. I just did it.
TS: YOU UPPITY BITCH!!! YOU AND YOUR STUPID GREEN SUNGLASSES. TELL ME WHY YOU TOOK THE PICTURE!!!!
JP: I do not need to explain myself to you.
TS: TELL ME WHY YOU TOOK THE PICTURE OR I'M GONNA F*&! YOU UP!!! GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM... ASIA, CAMBODIA!!!! *yes, it got racial 
FRIEND STEPS IN: SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO ANSWER TO YOU!!!
TS ignores my friend: YOU'RE A STUPID SMURF!!!!

*TS = tree stump

TS then picks up the controversial flip-flop and CHUCKS it at me!!!
I step back to try to avoid the flying flip-flop but it doesn't land near me at all. Instead it hits this elderly couple who just happened to be walking down the sidewalk. They were caught in the line of fire and were completely innocent and I am so sorry!!! So we all head into the garage to get away from TS and hear her still screaming at me all the way down the street corner. Like a CRAZY person! ... Do you think she reads this blog?

So that was the worst... here's the best of Philly!

LOVE protecting us from the rain.

 LOVE on our last day with my favorite Hawaiian Princess Jenna!

The other weird /crazy thing we saw was a man either peeing or touching himself in public while walking to the Art Museum. It was gross and we couldn't figure out which he was doing nor did we spend a lot of time thinking about it because I had some running up the Rocky Steps to do!!!

Break-Up Ice Cream

KStew is an IDIOT for cheating on RPatz!
Seriously, how dumb do you have to be to jeopardize a relationship with one of God's finest creatures with a barely palatable, married man? Straight up stupid is what that is.
Not that I was rooting for the couple or anything, but losing R-Patz... that is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
On the plus side (because we are optimists), Cedric Diggory/Edward is now single and back on the market!!!
But before we get in line ladies, this man needs to heal!! Poor R-Patz!

Enter ice cream. Did you watch Rob on The Daily Show? John Stewart consoled him with two pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

(ice cream makes everything better)

Which left me inspired to propose that B&J make their own "break-up" flavored ice cream! (I can't make it myself because sadly, I do not have an ice cream maker... who wants to buy me one?) So what does "break-up" flavored ice cream taste like?!

Definitely not something fruity.
Something dark to reflect that place you're in [chocolate, and lots of it].
Something marshmallow-y to mirror the pillows you're crying into [fluff].
Something nutty to reflect your state of mind [walnuts].
Something thick that matches your heavy heart [condensed milk].
Something boozy to help you forget your troubles [kahlua].

Or how about Garlic-flavored ice cream to turn that "bad-taste-in-your-mouth" metaphor into a real life scenario! Did I take it too far?

UPDATE: Anderson Cooper will now also require break-up ice cream because his lover just got ousted for cheating on the silver fox. Seriously, what is happening in this world?!

Does this thing still work?

Why yes it does!

So that means I should pick up blogging again right?

Why yes it does!

OK, let's do it.

happy birthday christine!

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE!!!!

do you have a sister?
mine pinches my cheeks and squishes my face when she adores me.
she also sits on me and strongly grabs my limbs leaving her fingerprints when she's mad.

we like to sing together. for example, she'll sing the rap part of Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" and I'll sing the chorus.
(maybe we'll show you one day in a youtube video..!!)

so.. yes we have a weird yet unbreakable sisterly bond, to say the least.
she's moving up to NYC next month to pursue her cobbler aspirations.
canNOT.wait

<3

i wish i could tell you...

I'm going somewhere tonight. But I can't tell you where ... yet ... because it's a surprise.

But I'm super duper excited about it!!!

ps- don't you hate it when people say that they know something really cool and that they can't tell you.

those people are such bitches. :)



stay cool lovers.

RHONYC Reunion, part 1

You guys, I am OBSESSED with the Real Housewives of New York City. Cannot.stop.watching.these.bitches.

With that said, this season has been a little disappointing for me. It fluctuated between me sitting on the edge of my seat and tweeting every 5 seconds to listening to music and surfing the web with the show on in the background in case I don't miss anything. However, the reunion show (that aired Monday night) was most excellent. So good that I had to blog about it. Seven middle-aged upper class ladies dressed to the nines engaging in what can only be described as verbal hair-pulling. Amaze-balls.



Here's my breakdown:

First is the worst. Cindy Barshop. She is my least favorite housewife of NY. No personality. No affinity for life or people. I noticed immediately at the beginning of the show that she kept twitching her face to show disdain at every comment one of the girls was making. Too much botox, or too much hate? At first, I thought to myself "I wish she'd smile more." But then she did and I immediately regretted thinking that. I don't even know why she even does the show because she clearly stated several times, more or less in these words, that she hates the type of relationship that girlfriends have. In fact, the only relationship she knows is a business relationship. Oh yes, that also applies to her brother and her kids. Alex McCord hit the nail on the head when she told Cindy that "she was a sourpuss and needs to get laid." BEST.LINE.OF.THE.NIGHT. For me, there is a fine line between drama-seeking and just plain hateful. And for that, I think Cindy needs to go. Who wants to help me start the campaign?

Poor Alex, I feel bad for her. Not because she was sorta ganged up on by the brunettes... she instigated and deserved all of those taunts. But because she seems very bored. So bored that she makes it her place to get involved in other people's issues (read Ramona and Bethenney). I guess I would be too if my husband were gay. Speaking of Simon, Alex must live in some kind of dismissive 50s household. She seems very unsure of herself, gets very flustered easily and speaks with little conviction. She also thinks it's OK for men to yell at their wife's friends WHEN THEY DESERVE IT. There was some weird underlying tone that I felt when she said it. It was whatever men do to women, it's because they deserve it. Don't get me wrong. Men are allowed to yell at women. But what Simon did at the gay marriage event was more than just yelling, he also used his body language to threaten Sonja. And mean-tweeting was not designed for grown men. I do not think Simon's behavior is/was appropriate at all. Alex just set women back 50 years. So thanks for that bitch.

Kelly is the Cosmo and self- proclaimed "5th Nicest Celebrity." (LOL!) She announced her new title at the beginning of the episode and then chose to spend the entire rest of the night proving that she was not. She hypocritically criticized Sonja for living beyond her means and not having a "real" job like Cindy and called everyone weird. Don't believe everything you read Kelly. I'm also mad at her for simmering Cindy down after Alex's "need to get laid" line. Way to go Kelly.

In my opinion, Jill has grown up a lot. Is she a better person? I wouldn't go that far. But she really has tried to keep the peace or at least play nice, albeit you can tell it was all an act. And I deeply respect anyone that tells it like it is. Because Alex has shown her true colors and really is a bitch. However, I do not believe for one nanosecond that Jill is scared of Bethenney. And I refuse to believe that Mario is cheating on Ramona. All LIES.

Ramona used to be my favorite character. But she kinda rubbed me the wrong way this season. Though she did handle herself very well with Cindy, Ramona's dig at Luann and her kids was low and put a sour taste in my mouth. Otherwise, she was really uncharacteristically quiet for most of the episode. I think she's going through something. Her marriage? Menopause? Whatever is stirring inside of her, I hope she lets it out soon. I have an inkling that a quiet Ramona is a deadly Ramona. Hm, I always liked red wine anyway.

Luann was most interesting. She was neutral and didn't really take sides. Which would have been fine, if she didn't carry around her an air of haughtiness. Unsolicited etiquette advice is the worst. Didn't she ever learn that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all? Wherever she got her etiquette lessons, she needs to get a refund pronto. Also, did the makeup artist skip her? She looked like she had just walked 10 blocks in the 96 degree humid NYC weather.

Sonja won favorite housewife! And rightfully so. She was the most well-behaved and definitely the most human of all of them that night. Any conflict that headed her way, she gracefully deterred. She is also nice and opens her arms to each and every Housewife, even Cindy. I also love her zest for life. I'm going to go ahead and nominate Sonja to be the Ambassador of all the Housewives. Or is that Andy Cohen's job?

What did you guys think?! I would love to hear it all!!

And don't worry kids, it's not over yet. That was just part 1. There's a part 2 that airs next week. HOORAY!

Hi Hi!

Does anyone still read this? I sure hope so!

And I love you lots if you still do.
I've been working on a bunch of different things ...

and unfortunately, my beloved blog has taken a backseat.
BUT NO MORE, i say. NO MORE!!

I'm making my way back to the blogging world, so watch out world!

in case you forget what I look like :)

lots of blog love,

jp

flower shoot

Remember these flowers?

My friend Julie and I decided to have a photo shoot with them.

Because she loves photography, and I love having my photo taken. We are great friends.

The Four Chord Song

Hey ya'll!

I've got a case of the Tuesdays and I need a good singalong.

Check out this funny video of this band that proves that all you need is to learn how to play four chords to make a good pop song. They're called The Axis of Awesome, and they are indeed awesome.



via Huffington Post